Blair launches third and final manifesto

The Labour Party today launched their manifesto for the general election, which includes just two policies. Blair assembled his cabinet at London's Mermaid Theatre to announce a surprise manifesto promising more war and a ban on classical music.

The manifesto, a 112 page little red book entitled "Britain: for war not Bach" is Labour's most radical yet, building on Blair's 1997 boast of being "too young for classical music" and the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

The leader of the Conservative Party, Michael Howard, said "the people have heard all of this before", and asked why Blair had not gone to war in his eight years as Prime-Minister. Shadow Chancellor, Oliver Letwin, said Labour would not be able to keep its pledge, and that "unless classical music is increased, there will be an £11 billion deficit in BBC Radio 3."

Deputy leader of the Liberal Democrats, Sir Menzies Campbell, said that Blair would be judged on what he has already done, not what he promises in the manifesto.